I stayed up into the wee hours reading this book [Walk Two Moons] last night. I don’t remember the last time I did that. It felt good to struggle to keep my eyelids open and know that I would be tired today because of a good book. As I found myself in the final chapters, I also felt tears trickle down my cheeks until I was sobbing. I don’t remember the last time I cried while reading a book. That felt good too. I love books (and films) that move me to such emotion. I still recall my mother and I with tear streaked faces watching Dead Poet’s Society and looking at each other after the drama had passed and bursting with laughter at how much we had cried!
If you haven’t read Walk Two Moons, and many of you probably haven’t since it’s a young adult book — and because I’m a teacher, I read these things — you won’t know why I was crying. And I don’t know that I can entirely explain it, but I’ll attempt to do so. As the story unfolded I felt that I was with the character on her journey, listening to her story as she told it to her grandparents on their road trip. It dealt primarily with each character experiencing varying degrees of loss, each involving their mothers. As I found myself sobbing for Sal [the main character] as she said goodbye to her mother, I realized it was because I know what it feels like to have come to that realization that this person you love, that has always been a part of your life, will never be coming back. For me it was not my mother, but my brother Josh.
I’ve been fairly emotional since the visit to the cemetary. I can’t pinpoint my sadness all the time and ali reminds me this is ok. I’m thankful for that reminder as much as I’m thankful for his arms wrapping me in a hug — virturally since we are in different locations at the moment. Here, I am surrounded by such wonderful friends and family. Just today my nephew wrapped his arms around me in a great big hug and said “I love you so much Aunt Kara, I love you like God loves people, that’s how much I love you.” The tears then were of happiness. I love these moments, regardless of the tears that flow. I’m thankful that I’m sensitive to the world around me and that I’m sensitive to my own world. I feel. And feeling, is an amazing thing.
“Feel, feel, I say — feel for all your worth, and even if it half kills you, for that is the only way to live…”