I’ve started this post two days ago and just have a moment to revisit it now. I actually did have plans to meet my coworkers for a drink this evening, but somehow the week has drained me and my throat has been taken over by aliens again. Who said that tonsil free is the way to be. Oh but it could be much worse. I digress.
It’s not that I’m entirely unhappy. I just don’t know what I am doing sometimes. I question where I am and think, WTF?
I’ve been avoiding writing. I sit down at my ancient, slow computer and bide my time browsing through V-day stuff. I am making online connections and need to get out there and meet some people to get things going.
I’ve been at school until dark every day this week. Thank you daylight savings. Thank you meeting after meeting eating up my precious planning, grading, organizing time. And then I get home and the last thing I want to do is open up the chic red bag I bought on sale at Urban Outfitters while in London and pull out that pile of “Things to Do” from school.
Home. Where the heart is. My heart is not in it. Here. It’s there. And there. My home is with ali. And my other home is with my family. These are the people my heart wanders and aches for.
Ali was here last week. Just a few days after I left him in London, he arrived. And like clock work, the sun came out and pushed the greyness away. Then he left on Monday and the clouds have embraced Schaffhausen once again.
I’ve moved. And my new flat is fabulous. I can sit outside and have my coffee and face my little abode. There is a flower gardern, that has begun to hibernate with the weather. I face a tiny cottage, straight from a story book, with green shudders and all. It’s so dang cute. It’s like my own little house. The laundry for the area is beneath and the other room belongs to a business on the road facing the stadt. It’s tucked back a little with a gate to keep us all nice and cozy inside. It’s two rooms and a bathroom. It’s perfect for me and perfect for ali when he is here. I love it.
But does it matter when no one will see it? I mean, it’s not as if YOU are going to stop by for coffee or dinner or an evening drink.
And this was where I left it on 2nd Nov. And here I sit, nose falling into tissue after tissue. 4th Nov. The end of a very loooong week at school. And I am going to leave it at this. Post now. I need to rest for Zurich tomorrow. Have some items on the birthday celebration (for ali) checklist I need to put in motion for the big bang next weekend.
Ali will be back on Monday. These are the moments I am too busy living, enjoying it, and tucking my thoughts away until these moments alone again.
Ready for bed. Bon nuit.