Family, Friendship, Memories, Photos

I’m still remembering

Today has been a long, tough day. Not even just for the day that it is on the calendar; 13 years since Josh drowned. This photo was taken a couple weeks before that tragedy at a friends. It’s the most recent one we have of him. It makes me think of all the crunches he bragged about doing every morning and night to get his ‘rock hard abs’. Teenagers.


It’s a week of remembering for me. Yesterday was also the 6 year anniversary of Adam’s tragic death. Some of you know he was one of my closest friends whom I taught with in Bangkok. He made me laugh a lot. Just about every memory I have with him involved laughing and having a good time with life.


I remember the moment I learned about each death. I remember entering a stage of shock when Josh died but somehow still trying to hold the family together. I remember collapsing on the ground and curling into a ball on the floor, tears streaming down my cheeks, when I got the phone call about Adam.

I remember the phone calls I made beforehand to friends to ask for prayers that my brother would make it. I remember the phone calls I had to make to friends to tell them of Adam’s death.

I remember gathering photos for Josh’s photo board for his wake. Growing up over the years. Posing. Laughing. Playing. I remember watching the slide show during Adam’s memorial at school. Laughter. Memories. I saw my smile next to his on many of the slides.

I remember not painting anymore after Josh died, not for a long time. But I remember painting again in Bangkok. I remember Adam encouraging me to paint, just as Josh had always kept our younger brother, Jake, occupied so I could paint.

I remember talking to Adam about Josh and the loss that I had to accept when he died. I remember them both. I remember these moments so vividly as I think back on them. And I remember the loss of them from this world, but most of all, I remember their LIVES. And our lives together.