Cerebral Palsy, Dreams, Love, Our Son

Dreaming My Dreams

I still have dreams about Sebastian doing things he cannot do. I am going to add that hopeful ‘yet’ to the end of that sentence. Last week I woke to the dream of him sitting up on the floor, on his own, pulling papers out of a small box and crumpling them up and throwing them. Giggling at his mischief. It was beautiful. It was a dream. I’ve dreamt him walking in to greet me in the morning. I’ve dreamt him crawling and pulling to stand. I’ve dreamt his voice and the words he does not say. Each time I wake from these dreams with conflicting feelings. A pang of hope in my heart followed by a bit of sadness of being unsure. It’s exciting to see those things in my dreams, to imagine him doing things that typically developing kids do with ease, without a second thought. These thoughts rarely plague me but sometimes they leak in, like right after one of these dreams. And then I go in to get Sebastian up or he calls out with a big, loud yawn to let me know he’s awake. When he sees me for the first time his face lights up into a huge smile and all those dreams wash away and it’s just me and my beautiful, perfect son.

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9 thoughts on “Dreaming My Dreams”

  1. oh, kara, that is awesome. these dreams WILL be a reality for you and for sebastian. i truly believe that. and maybe they already ARE reality in another realm, beyond what we know. if that even sort of makes sense. maybe our dreams give us a glimpse into an even bigger reality… i don’t know. i think too much. but what i do know is that he is amazing and inspiring and so are you, and i just want to see you again and give you a great big hug! you’re an awesome mama. lots of love and hugs, gina

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  2. He has come so far with all that love from you and your hubby. I am more than certain you will have your hands full with so much mischief soon. I do believe that our dreams teach us things and are a window of reality. There is nothing like those special smiles we get first thing. Those are amazing and the most perfect of moments. Hugs to you. Alexandra sends him a big kiss.

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  3. Thanks to you both, beautiful friends. It’s always the strangest feeling when I wake, it’s as if it really happened, like hearing a voice in a dream. It’s inside and whatever the reality will be, it’s already a good one.

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    1. I do sincerely believe in the visions that come to us in our dreams. Sometimes they are warnings, dealing with things and truth. I have had several very painful and powerful and wonderful dreams surrounding two unborn children and when I knew Alexandra was on her way to us. Keep believing in them because I certainly believe that your wonderful little boy will lead a very fulfilling and happy life and will go on to do all the things you hold dear to your heart.

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  4. Kara, My thoughts and love are with you xo I know those feelings too well and have those moments alot, I often have them when I am awake too and then I remember as such when Cooper is on his knees and I think he will just stand up and walk. Before you know it Seb will be doing things you never even thought possible and all in the blink if an eye. xo

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  5. I don’t want to ruin your dreams for you but I have them all the time where Moo is walking/running. I guess it’s my mind’s way of not letting go of things. Sometimes I wake up crying when I remember my dream. Sometimes I cry cause I don’t want to wake up from the dream.

    Whatever the end result, Sebastian is still perfect whether he walks, sits or not.

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  6. Oh I just came across your site I love your dreams for your son.. I have those same ones for my daughter. My daughter is a little older she’s 5 1/2 she just learned to pull to a stand this summer never let go of those dreams. She also leaned to bum scoot 2 months before she turned 4. It can happen in time with the right help. My daughter is doing CME therapy with an amazing therapist in Thornhill I’m assuming your in TO from your header. Your son is so cute.

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  7. I am truly touched and humbled by your life, your words and your opaque reality. I often times have to remind myself of how blessed I am that my little girl is perfect in every way. . . . she is truly a gift from God. I look at your pics of your little Seb and I feel your pangs of hope tugging at me and wonder ‘what if . . . . that we’re me and my little girl’. I know that I would still love her the way you love him, still look at her with hope and uncertain amazement, never giving up hope, ever. You are truly and inspiration for mothers worldwide and a role model for me personally. When you talk about having dreams of Seb doing things that he cannot do, things that my daughter does with ease, I become more and more alive, more thankful, more spiritual. You and your family have awakened me from the fog of my ‘dreams’. One day your son will sit up, take your face into his hands and say into your eyes “Give me a kiss, Momma.”

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