Seb’s sibling at 25.3 weeks.
We had another ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby. How something didn’t matter at all the first time around somehow matters so much this time. In our preparation to feel as prepared as possible, while always aware that you can never be fully prepared, we added knowing the sex of our second to that list. If you have a first born child with a disability, I know you understand. If I am going to birth another boy, I need to prepare myself mentally and emotionally.
When Seb was born, his grey, lifeless, perfect 40+ week body was whisked away from us onto a resuscitation table. In a brief moment we saw his penis and looked at each other, ‘We have a son!’ our eyes shouted together. A son who was not breathing. No one in the room announced his sex. His weight. His length. There is an empty space next to ‘length at birth’ in his baby book. There are many empty spaces in his baby book. After Sebastian was taken to NICU and I was cleaned up and ready to be wheeled to see him, only then did someone ask if we knew we had a son. I will never forget the image of his body being rushed away from mine. I will never forget that if we had not seen his body we would not have known he was a boy until well after he’d been taken to the NICU. This time that won’t happen.
Our son is perfect. But he does not run or climb trees and get into mischief like other little boys. He does not pick up rocks and bring me salamanders hiding beneath, like my own brothers did when we were kids. So if I have another boy I have to be ready for him to do the things that Sebastian does not do. Yes, perhaps a girl will do the same, although I was never interested in tearing frogs legs apart. And yes, there are other worries that come along with having a girl. I know this.
I have also seen the relationships Sebastian has with his peers at school. I have seen the girls doting on him and dancing with him during music. Our play dates are with the girls in his class. He has relationships with the boys too, but they are different. He can’t quite keep up with their adventures, their building blocks and love for firetrucks, though I know he does try. Last week as one boy was leaving, he patted Seb on the head and said ‘Bye buddy,’ and then ran off with another friend to greet his nanny. He is popular with everyone and I have no doubt his sibling will be his biggest fan, boy or girl regardless.
And now we know. But you have to wait.
So, until then, enjoy a few very requested photos of my growing baby belly. Here I am Easter weekend, 25 weeks.