That’s me and my brother Bill
y holding our brother Josh when he was pretty new. He would be 33 on Monday, June 9.
I love summer. I love how the warm spring weather turns hot and the way it kind of just sneaks up on you. Remembering Josh is like that. We are here. Living. Enjoying the green leaves and flower blooms. The days are longer. The sun hotter. The school year is finishing up. There is a buzz in the air of the impending summer holidays.
I’m more emotional than usual. The story I just read on Facebook makes me want to cry and I do. I realize Sebastian is finishing up kindergarten in a few weeks time and Tallula can now properly pronounce ‘phone’ and ‘gramma’. Ali just signed them up for summer swim classes and they both graduated to the next class. They are growing up! Of course such milestones are exciting. But I feel nostalgic and a bit sad.
Just as summer sneaks up on me, so do the anniversaries of Josh’s birth and death, just under a month apart. And I’m a little more emotional and sensitive without even realizing why at first; I just take everything personally. I feel tired and melancholy. But I keep on. I spend Tallula’s naptime refinishing that free teak dining table we found in the autumn. I re-organize the dining room so that it will fit. I water the flowers with Tallula after we drop Sebastian at school. I make breakfast and lunch and dinner. Life goes on. And it’s beautiful. If only for the quiet moments to remember.